Still Low!
Well, my counts are still low! They are coming up but still low. Last week they were 630 and this  week they are 792, remember they need to be 1000 for me to go through with chemo. I need those collective prayers again or maybe continuously for the next six weeks so that I can get through the chemo and move on with my life. I feel pretty good, of course I haven't had any chemo for 2 1/2 weeks ( so, this is what normal feels like?) Needless to say, I have eaten everything in sight and gained several pounds. My face was puffy anyway from the steroids, now I'm puffy in all the wrong spots. I have no boobs and no ass, it slid down around the back of my knees at some point when I wasn't looking! I have a strange muffin top thing-a-ma-jig going on that is just not attractive, especially with all the scars and others issues going on with my poor body. I now have another goal, to get this mess back in shape so that I can get into my Southwest uniforms!
I heard something last night that  really touched me and I realized how true it is. It went something like this, " you learn so much about yourself from the people around you." no kidding! Because I've had to lay here so much and not be able to do a lot of things, i.e., gardening or cleaning my house, walking around the lake, or even just going out to dinner as much as I would like to, I have been able to sit back (or lay back) and watch people around me and I've looked inside a great deal more. The first two cancers taught me patience and tolerance, this cancer is giving me a tremendous insight into myself, for that, I thank the cancer (but that's all it gets!)
I've also gotten past asking "why me?"  I don't think anyone knows the answer to that and I could drive myself  and everyone around me plum crazy if I dwelled on that question.
I've also decided that it's OK not to be "FINE" all of the time, when people ask how I'm  doing, I tell them the truth, if I'm crappy, I'll tell them! Besides "FINE"  stands for "Fouled Up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional, and granted it fits me to a "T" right now, I just don't want that label all the time.
AS I've said earlier in my blog, God has a plan for me, and some part of it required three primary cancers! I still think he has an unusual sense of humor. If he is willing, Tim and I will head to Little Rock tomorrow morning and hope for higher WBC counts! God Bless all of you and to my SWA cohorts, fly safe this Labor Day.