AT LAST! Chemo!

Finally! Tuesday I was able to do my chemo. Strange isn't it? To hope and pray for the chance to put poison in my body. What a paradox, without chemo, I feel "NORMAL" except that the cancer rages through my body. With chemo, we halt the progression of cancer but I feel like crap, what an absolutely ridiculous circle! I have finally accepted the fact that this time it is terminal. NO.no, no I have not thrown in the towel, so all of you grabbing for your phones, put them down, I'm still fighting this with all my might but I am also being pragmatic, I am well aware of what the outcome may be, what I"m trying to say is that I am at peace with whatever God's choice is. I only have one contentious area in my life that I wish I could resolve, but the two people involved can't seem to come to an understanding and put the past and their differences behind them, I pray everyday that they will resolve this before God calls me home.



$5,000 for this?!

The chemo went OK, I felt terrible the first night, but yesterday was better and Tim gave me my Neulasta shot last night. Can you believe $5,000 for one injection? Amazing!! No gold filagree, no rubies or diamonds encrusting the case, what a steal! Anyway, I hope it makes me feel better, it is supposed to boost my bone marrow production, thereby lessoning the chance of infections setting in, it is made from E-coli bacteria which  is a little disconcerting.
Overall, I actually feel pretty good and I hope to fly a least one trip in a few days, keep your fingers crossed.
God Bless

Boogers!!!!

Two weeks in a row of not being able to do chemo. I flew this last weekend and felt pretty good, but started developing small bruises everywhere, even on parts of my body that should not be bruising, SO I knew platelets were down some. Flew into Little Rock this morning, drove home, went straight to chemo and sure enough, platelets had taken a nose dive. Last week it was my white and red cell counts. It's almost as if my body doesn't want me to fight the cancer with chemo, can't blame it, how many body's truly enjoy having poison dumped into their systems!!!!

There is nothing I can take to raise my platelets except rest, which means no flying until I can get a chemo session behind me. At least I am in middle of a 900 page good book!!!!!! Couch, crocheted throw, cuddly dogs and a good book, what more good a bummed out body hope for! I'll let you know how it goes, keep your fingers crossed all counts are good on the 25th.
God Bless all of you

Shoot... Where do I begin

Well, I' ve been back and forth to MD Anderson in Houston 3 times in 3 weeks. My first chemo therapy  was yesterday. We met with Dr. Frumovitz at 9:00, the Pharmacist right after that, then grabbed a quick lunch ( I've discovered chemo does better on something in the stomach) They started the infusion at 12:30, we were done between 5:30 and 6:00. Tim had too much going on at work and couldn't go with me, so my best friend Lynn and my daughter, Tiffany were with me all day. When we finished, we decided to go ahead and drive back to Texarkana so that we could wake up in our own beds this morning. Tiff headed back to Austin and Lynn and I - 6 hours back to Texarkana. We made it, but we were both operating on fumes today. I don't think the chemo did me much good either.
It all feels very surreal, I know it's happening, but I sure wish it were all a dream. A little bit of good news, I may not lose all my hair, they said it would "thin". If it gets too thin, I'd rather buzz it and not look like a concentration camp refugee! The other bits of good news are that although the cancer will never go into remission, it can at least disappear for awhile, whatever that means. The third piece of decent news, they are going to start me out at a lower dose to see how well I do, since I have been "pretreated" with so much chemo before. The lower dose may allow me to continue to fly albeit on a limited basis. But I can fly!! And lastly I can do the majority of my chemo with an oncologist here in Texarkana. There is only one that I trust, and he is willing to work with Dr. Frumovitz at MD Anderson and treat me here. That will save us time, travel and finances which are mounting,again!
I've really given my bucket list a thorough going over. Some things I've already done, some are doable while others I realize are probably just a pipe dream. I'll line them out for you when I get a better grasp of them. Maybe in the next week or so. A pretty eclectic bag of wishes, even if I do say so myself!
I'm going to close with a couple of pics from yesterday's chemo, one is me trying to at least look a little classy while having lots of toxic fluid pumped into my system, the other is a picture of all the various bags of toxic fluids.  The two chemo drugs are Carboplatin and Gemcitobine (sounds like Jim Beam to me, so I call it my Carbo Bourbon cocktail) Geez, where do they get this stuff!!

I'm hanging in there, God Bless all of you!

Here we go again

Well... it's back.

Cancer has returned in 4 places in the abdomen and one area in the right chest wall. We have decided to spend the rest of my life (prognosis now is 1-3 years) going back and forth to MD Anderson in Houston. Remission is no longer a possibility, Dr, Frumovitz, my Dr. at MDA says we have to look at this cancer like a diabetic would diabetes. We maintain it, keep it in check as much as possible and pray that it doesn't grow or spread any more and shoot for the 3 year mark.
I'm numb!!! I need to wrap my head and thoughts around this. I start chemo again on Oct. 4th in Houston. I was really getting used to having hair and eyelashes!!!
I thought third time was a charm, who said anything about FOUR????
Keep me in your prayers, Tim needs lots of them, he has done well with this but I hope God can lift him up and give him a little more strength.

IT'S ME AGAIN!!

Well I'm kicking! I have been back at work now for 7 months and my intention was to let all of you know how I was doing periodically through the last few months. But time gets away from all of us and I am thankfully no exception. It  has been an interesting several months, I have finally regained most of my strength. I have been throught many followup doctor appointments with a few scares but so far cancer is in check. My CA-125 is rising slightly but it is still within "normal" (HA HA) ranges. I go for the next batch of tests on the 16th of August. Needless to say, I get a little "wiggy" (anxious and goofy for those of you who don't know what wiggy is).
In January I decided it was time to check off some of those items on my bucket list. Below is a picture of "Little Squirt", my present to myself, the car I've dreamed of for a long time. My entire adult life I've wanted such a car. When I would pull up to a stoplight next to a car like this and look over and see a good-looking young chick driving it, I always thought to myself, "dang what a bitch, that should be my car!" Now, when I pull up to a stoplight in "Little Squirt" I can't look over at the next car, because I know there is some young chick thinking, "dang what is that old "bitch" doing in that car, it should be mine!!! Oh well, so it took me a while to get it and as long as I can continue to climb out of it without looking like a Daddy Long Legs doing a dying act, I will thoroughly enjoy having and driving it. Don't ask me about the car payments (or the insurance payments) or for that matter what the tires will cost to replace when that time comes!

Little Squirt!

Southwest Airlines recognizes 8 flight attendants each month for their outstanding attitude, work ethic and overall contribution to the mission of SWA. In  April I was selected flight attendant of the month for the Baltimore base. There are approximately 10,000 FA's working for SWA, so this was an honor.

I'm jumping around here, but I want to catch you up on my life in the last 8 months. My bucket list has many things,on it. Some are material (little squirt), some are experiences and some are emotional and intangible. I'm still working on my list, it's not that long but I want it to be definately unique to me. When I finish it, I'll let you know.

I still get heart palpitations when I think of my 1-5 year prognosis, but life is short and has always been a one way trip for everyone, I'm just going to enjoy the good AND the bad and hope the good outweighs the bad.

God Bless, I won't promise, but I will try to be better about staying in touch.

Love to all, Kathi

I Did It!

Well... I made it with a few minor tough spots but I made it, upright and OK. Several flight attendants and supervisors were waiting for me when I arrived in Baltimore with a big beautiful batch of balloons!  I still have not gotten my strength back the way I'd like it and I would rather not have to fight with a wig or get so creative with my makeup but I am flying again. WOOHOO!!
I am home for a few days and go back to Baltimore on the 16th. My next trip starts on the 17th and I get to fly with a friend and one of my overnights is in Austin where I can see Tiff and Loren again. I will be flying the rest of the month without coming home. Tim is somewhat concerned, but I 've got a good workable schedule. Unfortunately, I'll be in New York for Thanksgiving. But We'll have our own when I get home at the end of the month.
It was a beautiful day yesterday but a front came flying through last night and it is downright chilly today. I'm feeling better and better every day and so glad to be back flying. God Bless!

On My Way!!!!!!
"Where am I headed I ain't certain
where I'm going I don't know
All I know is I am on my way.
Gotta dream boy gotta a song
paint your wagon and come along.."
                                  ~Paint Your Wagon

I'm headed to Baltimore, please God keep my feet under me and my head on my shoulders! I'm on my way!!!!!