Left my pillow for an update
Got a call from the nurses at UAMS, my WBC counts are good, magnesium and RBC a little low but still a go for chemo on Monday. It floors me that when I feel my worst, my WBC are good, when I feel my best, my WBC are down. But it's the lower RBC that bring on anemia and fatigue. Once I get past the fuzzy dog slept on tongue thing, I'll be able to eat and get my strength back.
Now back to my pillow and my constant furry companions, Sampson and Hurley.

My Pillow is my best friend today
Chemo was on Tuesday, today is Friday? Nasties are still pretty potent. Lynn is coming to take me for blood work, hoping counts will be high enough to go Monday. When I finish chemo on Monday, I can honestly say I'm halfway through the bad stuff. Wish me luck.
My daughter, Tiffany is coming up from Austin this afternoon to help out for a few days. God Bless her and keep her safe on her way.

1030!!
I needed a WBC of 1000 and I had 1030, just enought o go ahead with the third cycle! I never thought I'd jumping for joy to receive a chemo treatment. Dr. Stone said everything looks  good, the new heart burn medicine is helping with the "Burn" and the explosive belching. I do have to start taking a blood pressure medicine. Is that not a hoot? I've had low blood pressure my entire life, start taking a cancer treatment drug and now have to take medicine for high blood pressure, a the side effects of that medicine!
Someday,  no more pills and injections!!!
Tim and I just finished dinner, a pretty decent hamburger and french fries and I actually was able to taste it, WooHoo.
Tomorrow a good breakfast before the nasty bloating Cisplatin treatment. Thanks for your collective prayers and finger/toe crossings. Never underestimate the power of prayer.
God Bless our normal days!

Dag Nab It!
Three of the side effects that I have managed to avoid have snuck into my life. Mouth sores is the first one, I have a couple of small ones and I'm gargling with nasty tasting stuff to keep those two little suckers under control. It's amazing after 2 1/2 weeks I can finally taste my food and I end up with mouth sores. Go figure! The second side effect is elevated blood pressure from the Avastin. My "normal" blood pressure is usually 116/60 but  today it reached 147/103, and that was after resting, its a good thing I wasn't jogging around the lake in the 100 degree temperature! I called to let my nurses know and they said elevation was "normal" but to watch for 200/100 which is stroke range. GREAT!!! SO I monitor daily and today was the highest yet, boogers!
The third side effect which is the one, believe it or not that really bugs me is my blood counts being too low. When I talk about blood counts, I am referring to White Blood Cell (WBC) counts, specifically my neutrophils which make up 60% of my WBC, the other 40% is a mixture of odd sounding names that I can't remember. The most important for me is the neutrophils. "Normal" is approximately 1250 and higher. If mine fall below 1000 I can't do the chemo, my counts this last time were 860. The WBC  are the "armed guards at the gate of the body" fending off all types of infections. When there are too few WBC my immune system is compromised opening up those gates for all sorts of stuff! The only ways to raise the WBC is rest, time or in critical cases injections that will boost WBC production. I had to have those injections with both previous cancers. They bring on their own set of side effects.
Tim and I are going to Little Rock tomorrow with the hope that the counts have gone up enough in the last couple of days to go ahead with chemo. If not, we will have to postpone and turn around and come home. Double boogers. I need all of you to say a prayer and keep those fingers(and toes) crossed that my counts rise enough to do this cycle. WE DO NOT WANT TO PUT ANY OF THESE NASTY CYCLES OFF! NO matter how much I hate the chemo I want to finish as soon as possible! I'll let you know tomorrow, one way or the other how I did.
God Bless!

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

My wonderful friend, Lynn forwarded this e-mail to me today, I hope everyone all over the country who reads my blog will enjoy this  I LOVE THE RAIN!

A little girl had been shopping with her Mom in Target. She must have been 6 years old, this beautiful red haired, freckle faced image of innocence. It was pouring outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout. We all stood there under the awning and just inside the door of the Target.

We waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed up their hurried day.. I am always mesmerized by rainfall. I got lost in the sound and sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the world. Memories of running, splashing so carefree as a child came pouring in as a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day.


The little voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in 'Mom let's run through the rain,' she said.
'What?' Mom asked.
'Let's run through the rain!' She repeated
'No, honey. We'll wait until it slows down a bit,' Mom replied.
This young child waited about another minute and repeated: 'Mom, let's run through the rain,'
'We'll get soaked if we do,' Mom said.
'No, we won't, Mom.. That's not what you said this morning,' the young girl said as she tugged at her Mom's arm
This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet?
'Don't you remember? When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer, you said, 'If God can get us through this, he can get us through anything!'
The entire crowd stopped dead silent. I swear you couldn't hear anything but the rain. We all stood silently... No one came or left in the next few minutes...
Mom paused and thought for a moment about what she would say. Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might even ignore what was said. But this was a moment of affirmation in a young child's life... A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith.
'Honey, you are absolutely right. Let's run through the rain. If GOD let's us get wet, well maybe we just needed washing,' Mom said.
Then off they ran. We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as they darted past the cars and yes, through the puddles. They held their shopping bags over their heads just in case. They got soaked. But they were followed by a few who screamed and laughed like children all the way to their cars.


And yes, I did.. I ran. I got wet. I needed washing.

Circumstances or people can take away your material possessions, they can take away your money, and they can take away your health. But no one can ever take away your precious memories....So, don't forget to make time and take the opportunities to make memories everyday. To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.

I HOPE YOU STILL TAKE THE TIME TO RUN THROUGH THE RAIN.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.

I Love You!
Take the time to live!!!
Keep in touch with your friends, you never know when you'll need each other -- and don't forget to run in the rain

Good Week?
This was supposed to be my good week, but I haven't found my energy yet, I still have a couple of days to find the energizer bunny in me! I start the next cycle of chemo on Monday if my blood counts are OK.  I had a good visit with my kids and my grandchildren. I didn't get all my kids together like I had hoped, but I understand when the military dictates my youngest son's schedule. As you can see by the picture of my grandchildren, they are each a very special character  and I was tickled to see them. Here are Val, Tony and Haley

I think my emotions are out of whack. Of course it could be the chemo, the steroids, the sleep medicine, etc. etc. etc.... or just the fact that I'm battling my third cancer in 10 years.
I was eating a grilled cheese sandwich the other day with my daughter and burst into tears, my fish pond sprung a leak and I lost my two koi and I cried, feeling like I had failed my fish AND it's a good thing the Christmas Maxwell House commercials aren't on, I'd be a blithering idiot!  My husband gives me a hug and the usual "it'll be alright" (that's his typical catch phrase) don't get me wrong, it's a good phrase, but I'm not seeing light at the end of my tunnel yet and there's gotta be a better phrase, a few cuss words, colorful metaphors, whatever!!!! Anyway, my tear ducts have gotten a workout lately and I'm just a little, sob, emotional, sob! ENOUGH already!!!
I've decided that when I sneak a peak in the mirror, I look like a cross between Cousin Festus, Voldemort and Golom. (Hey, you'd cry too!)

I know, I'm being hard on myself, but geez I really look alien! I think some of the problem is my fluctuating weight, I just can't seem to stabilize it. With the fuzzy dog sat on tongue thing my taste buds just aren't recovering like they did the first two cancers. I have cravings for all different foods, and since everything gives me heartburn, it's kinda like what the heck, eat what I can, but nothing tastes the way it's supposed to and my imagination is getting as thin as I am! Needless to say, I'm not eating like I should because NOTHING tastes good. What I would give for a true good tasting grilled cheeseburger! When I finish all of this mess in the fall, look out "all you can eat buffetts" I'm coming your way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm HERE!!!!!!!!
It  has seemed a month of Sundays since I've touched base with my blog, but in reality less than a week, a very long very rough week! When Tim and I went to Little Rock on Tuesday for chemo, I was dragging my backside about 100 yards behind his truck. Absolutely no energy, every blasted side effect was beating up on my body and I just wanted to crawl in a hole somewhere. Needless to say the ever present smile was a little thin. My oldest son and his family were driving in from Virginia on Thursday and I was so afraid I wouldn't have the strength to even enjoy my grandchildren let alone try to be a hostess. I wanted so badly to see them and would not tell them no, but I was apprehensive that I would crash and burn and so was the rest of my family. My daughter from Austin decided to come up on Tuesday and was there when Tim and I got home from Little Rock. She had completely cleaned my house, washed linens, had fresh flowers in every room, bought food and no telling what else to help us out. I think Tim was almost as tired and run down as I was and we were both so glad to see her. My daughter was God sent and has been my saving grace this week. Sean and his crew arrived on Thursday and we put them up in a nice hotel close by where they can swim and sleep and yet we can be together every day but it also gives me a chance to rest between visits. Tiffany goes home tomorrow and Sean, Nikki and kiddos leave on Monday. My youngest son, Grant had Marine Corps drill this weekend and has promised to try and get back early enough tomorrow so that I will have all three of my children together at the same time before they scatter to the winds again. As the years go by, it is harder and harder to get them all at once  when they are spread out all over the country. AND just in case something unexpected should happen, I want to hold them all in my arms together for now.
I actually slept through the night last night, probably due to medical stimulation, but at least I slept. It has been very difficult to sleep with the heartburn, acid reflux, bloated stomach, neuropathy and that forever awful slept on dog tongue thing that stays with me every blasted day!!!
Let me see if I can try and describe how it is. Imagine burning your tongue on a cup of coffee, now rub the edges raw against your teeth, scrap the insides of your cheeks with a chisel, put a layer of steel wool across your tongue and add a large handful of cotton balls and a few Saint Bernard hairs for good measure. NOW, try and eat or drink something. When everything tastes like I'm chewing on aluminum foil my weight fluctuates 10 - 12 pounds every week. I look ridiculous! By next week my taste buds will start to recover and then I can eat something that tastes semi-NORMAL for a least a day or two... then we start this yucky, nasty funky, icky- poobie process all over again!
I want to thank everyone for their beautiful cards, the flowers, the emails and most of all your prayers. I can't begin to tell you how much they help and lift my spirits and I apologize if I fail to say thank you enough. Love, Kathi

WHEW!!
I finished round two! I still feel like something the cat dragged in, but I'm working my way back to the living! Give me a couple of days and I will be cutting up with the best of you WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Bear with me
Not there yet, but I'm trying. If anyone has spare body parts, I'll take them, two left feet, an extra head, definately new stomach, send them my way, anything is better than what I have right now. I can't even focus on my happy place, I know its outside San Francisco somewhere.

Can I hope for semi-normal?
I can hope, but it's not looking good for today, all the chemo side effects ganged up on me this morning. Hearburn, dog-slept on tongue, no taste buds, highly acute sense of smell (if someone comes around me with heavy perfume it will not be pretty!) nausea, bloating, constipation, hemmorhoids, incontinance, achy joints, headache. For those of you from the south you are probably familiar with the phrase "I'm going to put a case of whoop-ass on ya!" I think someone dumped a truckload on me. Going to commune with my pillow and blanket today, God Bless everyone, I will holler at you later.

Crashing, need to rest!

Went up to Little Rock yesterday to begin the second round of chemo. The picture at left was yesterday, eyes may be tired but the smile is still there. Had to meet with Dr Stone first but she was longer in OR than expected, so we started chemo 2 hours late. Since we added the new experimental drug, Avastin as well as the usual Paclitaxol, we were at the clinic until 6:30 last night. By the time we got to the hotel, Tim and I were both dog tired. Back to the clinic this morning at 10:00 and left at 3:00. This chemo (Cisplatin) today is the booger bear that puts 4 liters of fluid into my body, 2 liters straight into my abdomen. I have to jog to the restroom with my IV pole, legs crossed, get my drawers off and measure my urine output  without losing it all on the bathroom floor, It's really difficult to do, I feel like a bad magician! I have to do this to make sure this stuff is not toxifying my kidneys and that they continue to function properly. Apparently they are doing grand, thanks for asking!!! I swear I look like a six - seven month pregnant cockroach! DON'T ask me why that comparison, it just popped into my chemo brain, what can I say. Tim says I look like I've been fooling around with Neptune and that I'm going to pop out a water baby. Told you, we were both tired and getting punchy! I am including a picture of some of the IV fluids (yes, there were more than what you see) that went in today and also a picture of the "pregnant cockroach right before I got in the truck to come home Tim really needs to install a commode in this wonder truck!!.

I am sliding into yucky land pretty quick, entire abdomen is sore and full from the pressure of the fluid, it feels like someone is sitting on my chest (I can't get comfortable, sitting, lying down or standing up), the catch in my side has come back, the fuzz dog sitting on my tongue is creeping into my mouth, nausea is camping out at the back of my throat just teasing me terribly and I'm really, really tired. One big plus, I don't know if I mentioned it previously, but since my hysterectomy on May 17th, Tim has had to give me Lovenox injections (a blood thinner to guard against clots) in my belly every night.We have two more, tonight and tomorrow night and we will be done with that, WOOHOO. Back to a semi-normal bedtime (ain't nothing truly normal anymore, but I keep hoping!!!!!) God's plan, God's plan (I keep telling myself, he has a plan for me).

Round 2 - TKO
Did  chemo and first infusion of Avastin this morning. Little tired, little achy, lots of fuzzy mouth stuff, but I ate dinner, Tim was proud of me. I put on the weight I lost the last time, so keep your fingers crossed the porcelain deity does not ask for a sacrifice tonight. We go back in the morning for the pregnant look chemo infusion into the abdomen. Major Yucko!!!!!! WHen we stay here in Little Rock, we stay at the Holiday Inn Presidential, which is the hotel that Southwest uses. Larry Carpenter, the owner has been very good to us and all the staff have been wonderful. Right now, going to bed, say a prayer I don't "toss my cookies," and wish me luck.

Bald is Beautiful?
Yesterday I went with family and friends to Lake Hamilton which is in Hot Springs, Arkansas. I had a ball! It was a beautiful day and we spent it on the lake in an awesome boat. I wanted to get in the lake, but I was concerned about getting the two medi-ports wet, because they haven't completely healed and my blood counts are down a little so I need to be cognizant of infections. My wonderful family and friends came up with a compromise as you can see by the picture of me and my daughter. We floated behind the boat. The water felt great and I didn't get the ports wet, just my butt and my feet! The only yucky part of the day was my prickly and tingly head from the poor little hairs trying to commit suicide and dive off. I thought flying over the lake would get rid of most of them, but no, instead the wind created bald racing stripes! Talk about looking weird, hence, the cool Southwest Airlines baseball cap.

Everyone should be proud, I ate everything put in front and then some. Its almost like my body knows it has to eat a lot to prepare for chemo on Tuesday.  I was one tired puppy when I got home yesterday evening. I barely remember going to bed and my husband said the neighbors set off fireworks and I missed every snap, crackle and pop. This morning when I got up, I had little hairs everywhere, stuck to my face, all over my pillow and still had quite a bit on my prickly head. It amazes me how many hairs are on the human head! SO, I had my husband lather up my head and shave me bald. God love my husband! He apologized for cutting me and I said, " you haven't even started yet", and he said "but I nicked you the first two times so I'm apologizing in advance for this time." Third time is a charm, no nicks, woohoo! Below are the cream and slick shots, bald  may not be normal for me but right now it is beautiful!!!!