I Did It!

Well... I made it with a few minor tough spots but I made it, upright and OK. Several flight attendants and supervisors were waiting for me when I arrived in Baltimore with a big beautiful batch of balloons!  I still have not gotten my strength back the way I'd like it and I would rather not have to fight with a wig or get so creative with my makeup but I am flying again. WOOHOO!!
I am home for a few days and go back to Baltimore on the 16th. My next trip starts on the 17th and I get to fly with a friend and one of my overnights is in Austin where I can see Tiff and Loren again. I will be flying the rest of the month without coming home. Tim is somewhat concerned, but I 've got a good workable schedule. Unfortunately, I'll be in New York for Thanksgiving. But We'll have our own when I get home at the end of the month.
It was a beautiful day yesterday but a front came flying through last night and it is downright chilly today. I'm feeling better and better every day and so glad to be back flying. God Bless!

On My Way!!!!!!
"Where am I headed I ain't certain
where I'm going I don't know
All I know is I am on my way.
Gotta dream boy gotta a song
paint your wagon and come along.."
                                  ~Paint Your Wagon

I'm headed to Baltimore, please God keep my feet under me and my head on my shoulders! I'm on my way!!!!!

Lookin' Good!
Not me per se but my blood that has been so absolutely whacky lately! I went to Dr. Stone yesterday for my follow-up post-chemo and she said "no evidence of disease" (she doesn't like to use the words "in remission") I'll take whatever vocabulary words she wants, all of the above sound wonderful to me. She was concerned, understandably about my blood and releasing me to fly so soon, so we agreed to have one more blood test done before I leave Saturday for Baltimore, my home base.
 I had my blood drawn this morning and WBC count is 1350, platelets that were 38,000 last week are 125,000 which is nearing the normal level of 130,000 to 450,000, still a tad low but sure beats last weeks count. My hemoglobin  and hematocrit both of which triggered the need for 3 units of blood and a bag of magnesium went from 7.21.to 11.1 and ? to 33 WOOHOO!
I am apprehensive about flying, neuropathy still an issue but something I can learn to live with if necessary. Dr. Stone said that sometimes it is irreversable, i'm hoping mine will improve but I'll be fine.
I start my three day trip on Monday with overnights in Buffalo and Jacksonville and then I'll fly home on Wednesday as soon as I return to Baltimore. I'll be home for 6 days to rest and set Tim's mind at ease. Then I'M OFF AGAIN! Whoop, whoop!!!
I don't look all that great right now, I wish my hair, eyebrows and lashes would get a move on, I need them. Let's see how creative I can get with makeup and of course my wigs. I have to remember not to touch my forehead so often, sometimes I end up with only one eyebrow!Tim never says anything but I can judge by the strange looks I get that something is amiss!
I can't wait to fly, I have missed it dearly. I hope God and I are insync with his plan, it has been hard for me to step back and let him have it. Stubborn ol' cuss (I mean me not him!) I will touch base with all of you before I take to the skies Saturday morning, God Bless.

20 Lashes With a Wet Noodle!!

I have been terribly remiss in keeping everyone informed about my progress or regress and I apologize. I have a bad case of Neuopathy in my hands and feet so typing and writing is an interesting adventure, AND walking, holy moly! I'll give you the lowdown on that in a minute.
My blood counts have been roller-coastering because of the buildup of chemotherapy.  I had a trip to my daughter's in Austin planned to try out my "wings" and legs and mostly to get away from Dodge and check on my self confidence as far as flying, traveling, getting through security, yada, yada, yada!
I knew I would have to take it easy because of the low blood counts so I wore a mask to fly and got to Austin Wednesday afternoon. The rest of that day I did well, Thursday I did well, but Friday blood counts crashed and burned with a killer headache and vomiting to equal the chick on the Exorcist!. My daughter and Loren took me to Scott White ER where I was pumped full of fluids and meds to stabilize dehydration and everything else. Scary, but I made it through went back to their house and the next  three days were fine. Tiffany and Loren pampered me and made me feel special and soaking in their garden tub does wonders for my soul.
I flew back on Tuesday the 26th and landed in Little Rock at 11:00 AM. (Now this is where the adventures of walking with Neuropathy come in),  I have very little feeling in my feet so I can't judge the thickness of the floor or my steps very well  until this stuff wears off. While walking into the airport off of the plane several ladies stopped in front of me where the carpet met the marble floor. I tried to stop and go around them but my heel got caught in my roller bag and I went flying, (probably looked like a Daddy Long Legs doing a dying act!) It took three gentlemen to pick me up off the marble floor, none of us could get any traction! One man asked me if I had ever thought of trying this stunt sober? I replied, "does it work?", and he said "Oh Yeah!" A very nice witty gentleman! Needless to say I have some beautiful, large purple grape colored spots on my body now.
I had bloodwork done Wednesday morning and ended up in the hospital Wednesday afternoon to get 3 units of blood. Yep I was a few quarts low, no wonder I felt like I'd been rolled a few times by a steam-roller! I came home yesterday afternoon, slept the rest of the day and night and feel great today. Kind of fitting that I did the vampire blood thing right before Halloween, don't you think? I can still see my reflection in the mirror so I'm safe! Glad to get this out of the way now and build my strength up. I go back to LIttle Rock for my follow up with Dr. Stone on Monday along with a CT scan that morning. and then I am scheduled to fly up to Baltimore on the 6th of November with my first trip on line on the 8th. I have an easy three day trip and then home on the 10th with 6 days at home. I promise all of you lovely concerned folks that I'm not jumping the gun, that I am fine and will pace myself, of course my stubborness is a big part of my strength, go figure. So don't grab for that phone or keyboard to chastise me, I'm OK! Honest!  I think getting back to my life and routine will make a world of difference. Also the doctor finally prescribed something (Lyrica) for the Neuropathy, WooHoo! Helloooo feet, where have you been?!
I'll do better on touching base with all of you, there was just so much going on, I wasn't sure where to start, besides, I still owe you a video of a happy jig. God Bless you.

THE FOG IS LIFTING!
Still a little fuzzy-tongued, muscles are sore, Neuropathy still an issue, taste not back yet but my tongue is telling me that some of the taste buds are clawing their way to the surface of my tongue, they are craving that all you can eat buffet! (It's coming, guys, it's coming!)
It was a tough weekend but my mind and my body are ready to get on with life, and I'm feeling a little better today. On Monday I had a eye doctor appointment because something was irritating my left eye and was worse when the eye was closed. Come to find out I had two tiny eyelashes that wanted to grow but they were growing in towards the eye and causing an abrasion. So, the doctor pulled the two little guys and I felt instant relief, but now I'm down two more eyelashes, geez! Oh well, at some point I will have eyebrows and eyelashes again. Yesterday I was laying down reading when the front doorbell rang. As I approached the door I good see a gentleman in a shirt and tie through my screen door and knew immediately he was a politician (they have a certain look and air about them). As I walked up he said, "Good afternoon sir, I'm so & so and I'm running for mayor and I'd like to visit with you." I replied," I'm not a sir." He said, "Oh well, can I leave this brochure with you?" I nodded with a wry smile took the brochure and closed my door. Poor guy, he won't even get a second thought because he failed the apology test! So, I apparently on my worst day look like a hairless bald man! GREAT!!!
On to lighter notes, the Texarkana Race for the Cure is this Saturday and I will be there (Not running or even walking yet) but I will be there. Anyone in Texarkana who is out there and sees me, give me a hug, or a high five or even a whopping big smile, I'll take them all!
The weather has been a blessing the last two weeks with a soft continuous rain on Monday that perked up all my plants. I love the fall and am so thankful to have finished my chemotherapy in time to enjoy it. Thank you, God!

I'M DONE!!

No more chemo! Now I REcoup, REhab and REcover!! I should have a couple of good days despite incontinence, headaches and tingly hands and feet. The funky, icky pooby stuff will set in sometime this weekend. But, for now I had six tacos for dinner and life is looking down a short tunnel with a bright light! I am released back to work for the 8th of November. I will be able to get my trips lined out in a couple of weeks, so those of you with SWA that have been watching my board, look for me in November, I'm coming back! A BIG WHOPPING WOOHOO and a BIGGER GOD BLESS!

Almost There!!! (Me and My Blog!)

Almost There!
It is the 3rd day of October and absolutely beautiful outside. It has been this way for a week now, which is a good thing considering our A/C went out week before last. Fortunately we made it to the cooler weather and can get the A/C fixed when I start working again (when we're back to two paychecks). I went for blood work on Friday and everything looks great so it is a "good for go" for chemo (THE LAST ONE) on Tuesday. Then a couple of good days, a week and a half of funky, fuzzy tongue, muscle ache, neuropathy, headaches, constipation, flatulence etc. etc. etc. to quote the King of Siam! but THEN I will be done, the light at the end of my tunnel will start to shine brighter urging me on and I will be flying in November. WOOHOO!! After that the reappearance of hair, eyebrows, eyelashes, hair on the other parts of my body, (you get the picture) my insides will get back to some semblance of order, I can work on these tired muscles AND I will find an all you can eat buffet with my name on it!
This weather has helped rejuvenate me and I feel pretty good going into my last battle with chemo. I thank all of you for hanging in there with me and pray you'll stay close until I cross that finish line with my arms held high and fist pumps going and I do a silly ridiculous jig in triumphant glee! I'll be back on Tuesday after chemo. I love all of you.

40-14 and counting!

This last week has been eventful, full and exhausting. A friend who was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2001 a year after my first cancer, died on Monday after her cancer came back with a vengence. Her name was Holly Johnson, she was 46 years young, absolutely vivacious and beautiful. She fought all the way to end.On Wednesday I was on a local TV show with another cancer survivor telling our stories. I did it completely bald, only because I was hot flashing so badly, I thought I would spontaneously combust if I wore my new wig.

 Last Tuesday was chemo and I had a milder version of Niagara Falls for a couple of days following the chemo.
Holly's visitation was Thursday night and the funeral was Friday morning. While I was sitting in the chapel at visitation several other survivors and myself were reflecting on numerous thoughts and  pieces parts that swam through our minds. One thought that I had voiced was being sad that I hadn't been able to bring all three of my children together in quite a while. When I got home from visitation that night I was sitting on the couch and my husband, Tim was acting a little unusual. Everytime a slow moving car would go by, he'd jump up and look out the window. He was starting to drive my nuts! It happened once more and he hurried to the back door and was calling the cat in, I thought he had surely lost it! I looked up and my daughter and my oldest son were standing in my living room with the biggest, most beautiful smiles on their faces, along with my husband who had undoubtedly the best looking Cheshire Cat grin. Tiffany and Sean flew in to Little Rock that afternnon, rented a car and drove down to surprise me for my 54th (40-14th) birthday which was Sunday! How cool is that!  On Friday night we met up with Grant, my youngest son for dinner, check out the pictures! Fortunately I could taste food and was feeling pretty good (at the time).

Tiffany, Grant and Sean, my kiddos!

Tim and I, what do you think of the cool wig? This is my back to flying hair!

Saturday night was Tim's 40th class reunion. We went but I tired easily so we didn/t get to stay long. Tiff and Sean left early Sunday morning. My parents came over for lunch on Sunday and brought me a gorgeous Victorian birdfeeder. If you've followed my blog you know how special the birds and waterfowl are to me outside my window, so this was a wonderful gift.
Sunday night good friends of ours fixed a birthday dinner for me and we celebrated another year of my life. Needless to say, I overdid it this weekend and am now paying for it, but it was a very special weekend. I now have NO taste buds, fuzzy tongue and nausea, terrible muscle and joint aches and booger Neuropathy in my feet and hands, which according to UAMS is normal for this point in the new chemo regimen! Boogers!!! AT least it waited till after my birthday weekend! I have communed with my pillow the last couple of days and will for a little longer, it is a very nice and soft pillow!
As you can see, it was a long, sometimes tough, but also a good week for me. I have one more chemo treatment on the 5th of October, and I WILL be done with this major bump in my road.I can do this, I can do this! One more time I can do this!
If everyone would, pleas offer up a prayer for Holly Johnson and her family, she truly was and will remain an inspiration to me. Rest in Peace, Holly.

IT'S Working!
My CA-125 is 18.9 WOOHOO! My counts ae all good so I can do chemo tomorrow in Little Rock. After that  one I only have one more on the 5th of October, counts willing !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm getting closer!

NO CHEMO THIS WEEK!

WELL, my WBC counts doubled since Friday to 1400+, BUT, my hemoglobin and platelets were very low. So instead of getting chemo I got two units of blood! I knew I was tired but I didn't realize I was so anemic AND tired. I did get good news though, because I opted out of the clinical trial, I will get both of the chemo drugs in one day next week. I will then have three weeks off and go back for the same two chemo drugs given in one day. That day will be the last day for chemo!! Whoop, whoop, woohoo, woohoo! There is light at the end of my tunnel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
While I was disappointed not to get chemo yesterday, I do need the breather before getting the last doses of chemo next week and again in three weeks. After the last rounds of chemo, I will be able to rest and get them out of my system over a 4 week period and conceivably, I could be back flying by the first week in November! It's a plan, now I have to execute it! Fingers crossed, prayers offered up.

Still Low!
Well, my counts are still low! They are coming up but still low. Last week they were 630 and this  week they are 792, remember they need to be 1000 for me to go through with chemo. I need those collective prayers again or maybe continuously for the next six weeks so that I can get through the chemo and move on with my life. I feel pretty good, of course I haven't had any chemo for 2 1/2 weeks ( so, this is what normal feels like?) Needless to say, I have eaten everything in sight and gained several pounds. My face was puffy anyway from the steroids, now I'm puffy in all the wrong spots. I have no boobs and no ass, it slid down around the back of my knees at some point when I wasn't looking! I have a strange muffin top thing-a-ma-jig going on that is just not attractive, especially with all the scars and others issues going on with my poor body. I now have another goal, to get this mess back in shape so that I can get into my Southwest uniforms!
I heard something last night that  really touched me and I realized how true it is. It went something like this, " you learn so much about yourself from the people around you." no kidding! Because I've had to lay here so much and not be able to do a lot of things, i.e., gardening or cleaning my house, walking around the lake, or even just going out to dinner as much as I would like to, I have been able to sit back (or lay back) and watch people around me and I've looked inside a great deal more. The first two cancers taught me patience and tolerance, this cancer is giving me a tremendous insight into myself, for that, I thank the cancer (but that's all it gets!)
I've also gotten past asking "why me?"  I don't think anyone knows the answer to that and I could drive myself  and everyone around me plum crazy if I dwelled on that question.
I've also decided that it's OK not to be "FINE" all of the time, when people ask how I'm  doing, I tell them the truth, if I'm crappy, I'll tell them! Besides "FINE"  stands for "Fouled Up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional, and granted it fits me to a "T" right now, I just don't want that label all the time.
AS I've said earlier in my blog, God has a plan for me, and some part of it required three primary cancers! I still think he has an unusual sense of humor. If he is willing, Tim and I will head to Little Rock tomorrow morning and hope for higher WBC counts! God Bless all of you and to my SWA cohorts, fly safe this Labor Day.

Cooking Shows?!
I've never been one much for soap operas and I've seen almost all the movies on TV at least once, so I've become addicted to the Food Network Channel. What is so ironic is that I can't taste anything so I feel like the caged animal who can't quite reach the piece of food right outside the cage! I know, you're thinking, why is she torturing herself like this. To be honest, I haven't a clue! But I'll tell you what, some of the food looks awesome and maybe I'll be a world class chef just by osmosis when I'm done with this ordeal!

My two buddies who lay on the floor(or the end of the bed) are getting a little bored with the cooking shows. As you can see by the picture, Hurley would rather watch the squirrels right outside the window, Sampson couldn't give a flip one way or the other!

A couple of weeks ago, my oldest son and his wife put together a coed softball team for the Kick Cancer Tournament in Manasas, Virginia. After 13 hours of softball, they took 2nd place! On the back of their shirts was "Kathi H kick some cancer ass". How cool is that? Here is the picture of their team. I just haven't had a chance to thank them so, Thanks Sean and Nikki and the rest of your crew!

I've had a terrible headache the last couple of days, but today the headache has not come to visit, WooHoo, almost feel "normal" (but not quite).

No More Port!
Tim and I returned to Little Rock on Thursday. We  had to be there at 5:00am so we were up at 2:00am and left the house by 3:00am. My surgery was the first one scheduled for the day which was a good thing because we were in and out quickly. Removing the peritoneal port was much easier than inserting it, Thank You!
I've done a lot of thinking over the past week, not much else to do when you're laying there bored out of your gourd! I made a tough decision with input from my husband, children, parents, friends, etc.to discontinue the clinical trial. This would eliminate the experimental drug, Avastin which is the drug messing with my blood pressure. There were several times in the last two weeks where my blood pressure was extremely high even while taking a blood pressure medicine. The only benefit to the drug that I could put on the plus side  was "Maybe" one more year of life. That maybe year doesn't do me any good if I have a stroke or am incapacitated to where I can't function or work. I would rather focus on a few very good years. SO, in other words I will finish the nasty chemo in October and then I can get on with life and enjoy it to be best of my humor and ability.
I have already talked to Dr. Stone and she was very supportive, WooHoo!
I will go for chemo again, (counts willing, right now they are low) on the 7th of September and continue (counts willing) every Tuesday for 6 weeks after that. No more overnights in Little Rock!  I feel good about my decision and I hope all of you do also, if not, a big slobbery raspberry to you!

Niagara Falls as Not Normal!
Apparently Niagara Falls was not normal. Last Tuesday when we got home and all the fluid poured out, that was not normal. I talked with the nurses in Little Rock on Thursday and they  spoke with Dr. Stone, and said I needed to return to Little Rock on Friday. Which Tim and I did, and spent the entire day having exams and tests run. We got there at 8:30 AM and left the hospital at 6:00PM. We both had our patience tried several times! There is a perforation between my peritoneal cavity and  the vagina cusp. Just an itty bitty hole but enough for all that fluid to find it just like a crack in the dyke! SO, no more peritoneal chemo. I will go up to Little Rock this week and have the peritoneal port removed (which is a good thing). We are switching to another arm of the clinical trial which will administer all chemo through the medi-port in my chest. It also entails changing from the Cisplatin chemo to Carboplatin. Carboplatin is less toxic to my kidneys but more toxic to my blood counts. Doesn't seem like much of a trade-off. This also means we delay chemo for a week or two, and you all know how I feel about that! The little itty bitty tear in the abdomen will hopefully heal on its own. Dr. Stone does not want to compromise the area any more than necessary, I'm good with that!
The last few days have been pretty rough. I can't taste anything and I feel like I have dog hairs and gauze pads on my tongue. Mouth sores are not responding as well to the "MIles Miracle Mouthwash." My blood pressure has been spiking, one time to 180/116 and the only way to keep it down seems to be to lay down and stay off my feet! I'm really tired of being tired and laying down! Can you tell, I have a bad case of the grumpies?? God, please give me patience, I am trying to maintain here!

Niagara Falls?
I finished #10 and #11 chemo treatments Monday and yesterday. Yesterday was the Cisplatin (4 liters of fluid, 2 straight to the abdomen) which is the booger-bear treatment that seems to bring me down the most. It is also the one that leaves me looking like a pregnant cockroach for several days. But this time all the fluid is coming out fast and furious! Niagara Falls has got nothing on Kathi Hickerson!! Depends have become my best friend today! (and desitin for the after effects!) who would have thunk it?? This is just not cool for a 53 year old or as a friend of mine says 40-13 year old lady, who, believe it or not is somewhat modest. Lately modesty seems to be hiding behind the curtains or under the couch. Pooting is something I have avoided in my life, just not something I find pleasant to discuss or to do, unlike my children who in their younger days would hold contests! Don't mean to gross anyone out but if you have had teenagers (and especially boys) you have had farting contests. Anyway back to me, this fluid in my abdomen tends to change everything inside of me so "the winds" are involuntary and could be embarrassing if I'm not careful and squeezing when I can, but the squeezing brings on Niagara Falls so I can't win for losing! God has a strange sense of humor when it comes to teaching me humility!
I feel my fade coming on but I wanted to update everyone and let you know I'm getting there. Hurley is warming up the foot of my bed and I will crawl over Sampson to lay down for the rest of the day. Update you again when I can. God love you and hope for babbling brooks instead of waterfalls and quiet bowels!

1600!!!!!
My WBC counts last Friday were 700, remember, they need to be at least 1000 to go forward with chemo. Today they more than doubled to 1600!! WooHoo! BUT, my magnesium and potassium are low, so Dr. Stone said I would get an IV potassium and magnesium when I go to Little Rock on Monday. At least the chemo will not be delayed! Today was almost normal, I had lunch with 4 beautiful friends that I used to see every Wednesday morning for a networking group. It was wonderful to see them and play catch-up and lunch was a fresh fruit and steak salad. Fresh fruit and veggies!! I will never and I do mean never take fresh foods for granted ever again. When you're not allowed to have a particular food, the craving for it is almost unbearable. So everyone go out and enjoy a good salad with lots of fresh veggies and big whopping side of fresh fruit and let me know that you savored every bite. Wish me luck for Monday and say a prayer that next week won't be too rough on this weary body.
God Bless

Hump Days
Isn't it funny, or at least I think it is, that when you go through an unusual time in your life, the days of the week all seem to blend into one big blob of a day. I lose track of days of the week, and weekends are a blur, I just want to get through to the next chemo cycle. So, when I have a cognizant moment and realize that this is a Wednesday and it's hump day for so many working people out there, it seems a little strange. Happy Hump Day!!
I have been sleeping a lot lately, and a good friend told me my body is letting me know I need the sleep. I'm sure she has a point, but I feel like I'm sleeping my life away (isn't that a song?) , of course, low blood counts are a contributing factor. My blood counts last Friday were the lowest yet, so I have been sleeping, resting, trying to stay away from crowds, not eating fresh veggies or fruit or undercooked meats (no real threat there). I CAN taste things right now, which is a good thing! My doctor prescribed "Miles Miracle Mouthwash" to help with my mouth sores. Believe me, it sounds better than it tastes, but it has helped the raw areas of my mouth and the sensitive tongue thingy I keep getting. The mouthwash has lidocaine in it and I  swish and swallow 4 times a day. With the lidocaine, I end up with a numb mouth, but only sometimes, kind of weird!  Beats the heck out of mouth sores! I also have a sinus infection, so I'm taking antibiotics for that. On the whole, I actually feel pretty good this week and I'm praying my counts are up on Friday, so that I can do chemo on Monday. I'll let you know come Friday.
God Bless.

Helllooooo!
I'm here!! WooHoo!! This has not been a picnic but I am rising out of the funk and moving, albeit slowly. My daughter bought a beautiful set of James Avery earrings for me to wear to celebrate my halfway point last Monday but they were a little too heavy for my weak little head so I will sport them today and celebrate a few days late.
My joints are still pretty sore,, heartburn and explosive belching running rampant, damn fuzzy mouth is a constant but my spirits are better and willpower to leave my pillow is great. So I am on the road to a better week. My next round of chemo is scheduled for the 16th and 17th of August, so I have a little while to bounce back and feel almost human. There is light at the end of this funky tunnel. One of the tests that is run monthly is a CA-125; cancer antigen-125, is a protein that is found at levels in most ovarian cancer cells that are elevated compared to normal cells. CA-125 is produced on the surface of cells and is released in the blood stream. A CA-125 test result of greater than 35 U/ml is generally accepted as being elevated.

Post hysterectomy my CA-125 was 79 U/ml, last month it was 39 U/ml, still elevated but coming down. My test a week ago was I beleive 21.9 U/ml. SO!!!! this funky, nasty, yucky stuff is working!! It better be, cuz it eats my lunch ( and my breakfast and my dinner and every snack in between!) I can't say that the positive results makes the side effects worth it, that's just too much of a stretch but it gives me a boost to keep plugging.
I talked with Ann, one of my supervisors in Baltimore yesterday and I told her that every time a plane flies over, my heart gets tugged on. Those of you flying, kiss the clouds for me and I'll be back in a couple of months! This phoenix will rise out of the ashes!! WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God Bless.

Half WAY!!
Home from Little Rock, can honestly say I am half-way through the nasty, yucky, funky garbage. A real wimpy WooHoo coming everyone's way. This stuff kicked my skinny little shriveled up butt this time. Gotta get better in the next couple of days. AT LEAST I AM HALF WAY BACK TO "NORMAL".

Left my pillow for an update
Got a call from the nurses at UAMS, my WBC counts are good, magnesium and RBC a little low but still a go for chemo on Monday. It floors me that when I feel my worst, my WBC are good, when I feel my best, my WBC are down. But it's the lower RBC that bring on anemia and fatigue. Once I get past the fuzzy dog slept on tongue thing, I'll be able to eat and get my strength back.
Now back to my pillow and my constant furry companions, Sampson and Hurley.

My Pillow is my best friend today
Chemo was on Tuesday, today is Friday? Nasties are still pretty potent. Lynn is coming to take me for blood work, hoping counts will be high enough to go Monday. When I finish chemo on Monday, I can honestly say I'm halfway through the bad stuff. Wish me luck.
My daughter, Tiffany is coming up from Austin this afternoon to help out for a few days. God Bless her and keep her safe on her way.

1030!!
I needed a WBC of 1000 and I had 1030, just enought o go ahead with the third cycle! I never thought I'd jumping for joy to receive a chemo treatment. Dr. Stone said everything looks  good, the new heart burn medicine is helping with the "Burn" and the explosive belching. I do have to start taking a blood pressure medicine. Is that not a hoot? I've had low blood pressure my entire life, start taking a cancer treatment drug and now have to take medicine for high blood pressure, a the side effects of that medicine!
Someday,  no more pills and injections!!!
Tim and I just finished dinner, a pretty decent hamburger and french fries and I actually was able to taste it, WooHoo.
Tomorrow a good breakfast before the nasty bloating Cisplatin treatment. Thanks for your collective prayers and finger/toe crossings. Never underestimate the power of prayer.
God Bless our normal days!

Dag Nab It!
Three of the side effects that I have managed to avoid have snuck into my life. Mouth sores is the first one, I have a couple of small ones and I'm gargling with nasty tasting stuff to keep those two little suckers under control. It's amazing after 2 1/2 weeks I can finally taste my food and I end up with mouth sores. Go figure! The second side effect is elevated blood pressure from the Avastin. My "normal" blood pressure is usually 116/60 but  today it reached 147/103, and that was after resting, its a good thing I wasn't jogging around the lake in the 100 degree temperature! I called to let my nurses know and they said elevation was "normal" but to watch for 200/100 which is stroke range. GREAT!!! SO I monitor daily and today was the highest yet, boogers!
The third side effect which is the one, believe it or not that really bugs me is my blood counts being too low. When I talk about blood counts, I am referring to White Blood Cell (WBC) counts, specifically my neutrophils which make up 60% of my WBC, the other 40% is a mixture of odd sounding names that I can't remember. The most important for me is the neutrophils. "Normal" is approximately 1250 and higher. If mine fall below 1000 I can't do the chemo, my counts this last time were 860. The WBC  are the "armed guards at the gate of the body" fending off all types of infections. When there are too few WBC my immune system is compromised opening up those gates for all sorts of stuff! The only ways to raise the WBC is rest, time or in critical cases injections that will boost WBC production. I had to have those injections with both previous cancers. They bring on their own set of side effects.
Tim and I are going to Little Rock tomorrow with the hope that the counts have gone up enough in the last couple of days to go ahead with chemo. If not, we will have to postpone and turn around and come home. Double boogers. I need all of you to say a prayer and keep those fingers(and toes) crossed that my counts rise enough to do this cycle. WE DO NOT WANT TO PUT ANY OF THESE NASTY CYCLES OFF! NO matter how much I hate the chemo I want to finish as soon as possible! I'll let you know tomorrow, one way or the other how I did.
God Bless!

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

My wonderful friend, Lynn forwarded this e-mail to me today, I hope everyone all over the country who reads my blog will enjoy this  I LOVE THE RAIN!

A little girl had been shopping with her Mom in Target. She must have been 6 years old, this beautiful red haired, freckle faced image of innocence. It was pouring outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout. We all stood there under the awning and just inside the door of the Target.

We waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed up their hurried day.. I am always mesmerized by rainfall. I got lost in the sound and sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the world. Memories of running, splashing so carefree as a child came pouring in as a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day.


The little voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in 'Mom let's run through the rain,' she said.
'What?' Mom asked.
'Let's run through the rain!' She repeated
'No, honey. We'll wait until it slows down a bit,' Mom replied.
This young child waited about another minute and repeated: 'Mom, let's run through the rain,'
'We'll get soaked if we do,' Mom said.
'No, we won't, Mom.. That's not what you said this morning,' the young girl said as she tugged at her Mom's arm
This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet?
'Don't you remember? When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer, you said, 'If God can get us through this, he can get us through anything!'
The entire crowd stopped dead silent. I swear you couldn't hear anything but the rain. We all stood silently... No one came or left in the next few minutes...
Mom paused and thought for a moment about what she would say. Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might even ignore what was said. But this was a moment of affirmation in a young child's life... A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith.
'Honey, you are absolutely right. Let's run through the rain. If GOD let's us get wet, well maybe we just needed washing,' Mom said.
Then off they ran. We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as they darted past the cars and yes, through the puddles. They held their shopping bags over their heads just in case. They got soaked. But they were followed by a few who screamed and laughed like children all the way to their cars.


And yes, I did.. I ran. I got wet. I needed washing.

Circumstances or people can take away your material possessions, they can take away your money, and they can take away your health. But no one can ever take away your precious memories....So, don't forget to make time and take the opportunities to make memories everyday. To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.

I HOPE YOU STILL TAKE THE TIME TO RUN THROUGH THE RAIN.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.

I Love You!
Take the time to live!!!
Keep in touch with your friends, you never know when you'll need each other -- and don't forget to run in the rain

Good Week?
This was supposed to be my good week, but I haven't found my energy yet, I still have a couple of days to find the energizer bunny in me! I start the next cycle of chemo on Monday if my blood counts are OK.  I had a good visit with my kids and my grandchildren. I didn't get all my kids together like I had hoped, but I understand when the military dictates my youngest son's schedule. As you can see by the picture of my grandchildren, they are each a very special character  and I was tickled to see them. Here are Val, Tony and Haley

I think my emotions are out of whack. Of course it could be the chemo, the steroids, the sleep medicine, etc. etc. etc.... or just the fact that I'm battling my third cancer in 10 years.
I was eating a grilled cheese sandwich the other day with my daughter and burst into tears, my fish pond sprung a leak and I lost my two koi and I cried, feeling like I had failed my fish AND it's a good thing the Christmas Maxwell House commercials aren't on, I'd be a blithering idiot!  My husband gives me a hug and the usual "it'll be alright" (that's his typical catch phrase) don't get me wrong, it's a good phrase, but I'm not seeing light at the end of my tunnel yet and there's gotta be a better phrase, a few cuss words, colorful metaphors, whatever!!!! Anyway, my tear ducts have gotten a workout lately and I'm just a little, sob, emotional, sob! ENOUGH already!!!
I've decided that when I sneak a peak in the mirror, I look like a cross between Cousin Festus, Voldemort and Golom. (Hey, you'd cry too!)

I know, I'm being hard on myself, but geez I really look alien! I think some of the problem is my fluctuating weight, I just can't seem to stabilize it. With the fuzzy dog sat on tongue thing my taste buds just aren't recovering like they did the first two cancers. I have cravings for all different foods, and since everything gives me heartburn, it's kinda like what the heck, eat what I can, but nothing tastes the way it's supposed to and my imagination is getting as thin as I am! Needless to say, I'm not eating like I should because NOTHING tastes good. What I would give for a true good tasting grilled cheeseburger! When I finish all of this mess in the fall, look out "all you can eat buffetts" I'm coming your way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm HERE!!!!!!!!
It  has seemed a month of Sundays since I've touched base with my blog, but in reality less than a week, a very long very rough week! When Tim and I went to Little Rock on Tuesday for chemo, I was dragging my backside about 100 yards behind his truck. Absolutely no energy, every blasted side effect was beating up on my body and I just wanted to crawl in a hole somewhere. Needless to say the ever present smile was a little thin. My oldest son and his family were driving in from Virginia on Thursday and I was so afraid I wouldn't have the strength to even enjoy my grandchildren let alone try to be a hostess. I wanted so badly to see them and would not tell them no, but I was apprehensive that I would crash and burn and so was the rest of my family. My daughter from Austin decided to come up on Tuesday and was there when Tim and I got home from Little Rock. She had completely cleaned my house, washed linens, had fresh flowers in every room, bought food and no telling what else to help us out. I think Tim was almost as tired and run down as I was and we were both so glad to see her. My daughter was God sent and has been my saving grace this week. Sean and his crew arrived on Thursday and we put them up in a nice hotel close by where they can swim and sleep and yet we can be together every day but it also gives me a chance to rest between visits. Tiffany goes home tomorrow and Sean, Nikki and kiddos leave on Monday. My youngest son, Grant had Marine Corps drill this weekend and has promised to try and get back early enough tomorrow so that I will have all three of my children together at the same time before they scatter to the winds again. As the years go by, it is harder and harder to get them all at once  when they are spread out all over the country. AND just in case something unexpected should happen, I want to hold them all in my arms together for now.
I actually slept through the night last night, probably due to medical stimulation, but at least I slept. It has been very difficult to sleep with the heartburn, acid reflux, bloated stomach, neuropathy and that forever awful slept on dog tongue thing that stays with me every blasted day!!!
Let me see if I can try and describe how it is. Imagine burning your tongue on a cup of coffee, now rub the edges raw against your teeth, scrap the insides of your cheeks with a chisel, put a layer of steel wool across your tongue and add a large handful of cotton balls and a few Saint Bernard hairs for good measure. NOW, try and eat or drink something. When everything tastes like I'm chewing on aluminum foil my weight fluctuates 10 - 12 pounds every week. I look ridiculous! By next week my taste buds will start to recover and then I can eat something that tastes semi-NORMAL for a least a day or two... then we start this yucky, nasty funky, icky- poobie process all over again!
I want to thank everyone for their beautiful cards, the flowers, the emails and most of all your prayers. I can't begin to tell you how much they help and lift my spirits and I apologize if I fail to say thank you enough. Love, Kathi

WHEW!!
I finished round two! I still feel like something the cat dragged in, but I'm working my way back to the living! Give me a couple of days and I will be cutting up with the best of you WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Bear with me
Not there yet, but I'm trying. If anyone has spare body parts, I'll take them, two left feet, an extra head, definately new stomach, send them my way, anything is better than what I have right now. I can't even focus on my happy place, I know its outside San Francisco somewhere.

Can I hope for semi-normal?
I can hope, but it's not looking good for today, all the chemo side effects ganged up on me this morning. Hearburn, dog-slept on tongue, no taste buds, highly acute sense of smell (if someone comes around me with heavy perfume it will not be pretty!) nausea, bloating, constipation, hemmorhoids, incontinance, achy joints, headache. For those of you from the south you are probably familiar with the phrase "I'm going to put a case of whoop-ass on ya!" I think someone dumped a truckload on me. Going to commune with my pillow and blanket today, God Bless everyone, I will holler at you later.

Crashing, need to rest!

Went up to Little Rock yesterday to begin the second round of chemo. The picture at left was yesterday, eyes may be tired but the smile is still there. Had to meet with Dr Stone first but she was longer in OR than expected, so we started chemo 2 hours late. Since we added the new experimental drug, Avastin as well as the usual Paclitaxol, we were at the clinic until 6:30 last night. By the time we got to the hotel, Tim and I were both dog tired. Back to the clinic this morning at 10:00 and left at 3:00. This chemo (Cisplatin) today is the booger bear that puts 4 liters of fluid into my body, 2 liters straight into my abdomen. I have to jog to the restroom with my IV pole, legs crossed, get my drawers off and measure my urine output  without losing it all on the bathroom floor, It's really difficult to do, I feel like a bad magician! I have to do this to make sure this stuff is not toxifying my kidneys and that they continue to function properly. Apparently they are doing grand, thanks for asking!!! I swear I look like a six - seven month pregnant cockroach! DON'T ask me why that comparison, it just popped into my chemo brain, what can I say. Tim says I look like I've been fooling around with Neptune and that I'm going to pop out a water baby. Told you, we were both tired and getting punchy! I am including a picture of some of the IV fluids (yes, there were more than what you see) that went in today and also a picture of the "pregnant cockroach right before I got in the truck to come home Tim really needs to install a commode in this wonder truck!!.

I am sliding into yucky land pretty quick, entire abdomen is sore and full from the pressure of the fluid, it feels like someone is sitting on my chest (I can't get comfortable, sitting, lying down or standing up), the catch in my side has come back, the fuzz dog sitting on my tongue is creeping into my mouth, nausea is camping out at the back of my throat just teasing me terribly and I'm really, really tired. One big plus, I don't know if I mentioned it previously, but since my hysterectomy on May 17th, Tim has had to give me Lovenox injections (a blood thinner to guard against clots) in my belly every night.We have two more, tonight and tomorrow night and we will be done with that, WOOHOO. Back to a semi-normal bedtime (ain't nothing truly normal anymore, but I keep hoping!!!!!) God's plan, God's plan (I keep telling myself, he has a plan for me).

Round 2 - TKO
Did  chemo and first infusion of Avastin this morning. Little tired, little achy, lots of fuzzy mouth stuff, but I ate dinner, Tim was proud of me. I put on the weight I lost the last time, so keep your fingers crossed the porcelain deity does not ask for a sacrifice tonight. We go back in the morning for the pregnant look chemo infusion into the abdomen. Major Yucko!!!!!! WHen we stay here in Little Rock, we stay at the Holiday Inn Presidential, which is the hotel that Southwest uses. Larry Carpenter, the owner has been very good to us and all the staff have been wonderful. Right now, going to bed, say a prayer I don't "toss my cookies," and wish me luck.

Bald is Beautiful?
Yesterday I went with family and friends to Lake Hamilton which is in Hot Springs, Arkansas. I had a ball! It was a beautiful day and we spent it on the lake in an awesome boat. I wanted to get in the lake, but I was concerned about getting the two medi-ports wet, because they haven't completely healed and my blood counts are down a little so I need to be cognizant of infections. My wonderful family and friends came up with a compromise as you can see by the picture of me and my daughter. We floated behind the boat. The water felt great and I didn't get the ports wet, just my butt and my feet! The only yucky part of the day was my prickly and tingly head from the poor little hairs trying to commit suicide and dive off. I thought flying over the lake would get rid of most of them, but no, instead the wind created bald racing stripes! Talk about looking weird, hence, the cool Southwest Airlines baseball cap.

Everyone should be proud, I ate everything put in front and then some. Its almost like my body knows it has to eat a lot to prepare for chemo on Tuesday.  I was one tired puppy when I got home yesterday evening. I barely remember going to bed and my husband said the neighbors set off fireworks and I missed every snap, crackle and pop. This morning when I got up, I had little hairs everywhere, stuck to my face, all over my pillow and still had quite a bit on my prickly head. It amazes me how many hairs are on the human head! SO, I had my husband lather up my head and shave me bald. God love my husband! He apologized for cutting me and I said, " you haven't even started yet", and he said "but I nicked you the first two times so I'm apologizing in advance for this time." Third time is a charm, no nicks, woohoo! Below are the cream and slick shots, bald  may not be normal for me but right now it is beautiful!!!!

Everything is Relative
I've always been a firm believer in relativity. What is a booger bear for me, may be a cake walk for the next individual or vice versa. More on that and my "profound perspectives" in a moment.

First, my oldest son, Sean who lives in Virginia sent me this picture last night. Never to be outdone, he did a sympathy cut for me. I am amazed by all these good looking guys willing to shave their heads in my honor. You guys rock!
As for my pitiful head, it is prickly and tingly and the little peachy stuff is now coming out, time to get out the shaving cream and say goodbye to the hair for a few months. At least  it is summer and this is a "cool do". The last two times I lost my hair it was fall and winter and oh my gosh, it was cold going out for the newspaper in the morning. I would keep a knit hat by the door to  pull on and keep my head warm.
I've been experiencing painful abdominal cramping the last couple of days and I'm wondering if it is a healing process from the hysterectomy. These pains are in my lower back and abdomen and feel just like menstrual cramps from high school. Deja vu, I'm regressing! The nurses are going to check on it and get back to me and let me know if it is normal, or I've perhaps strained something. What else?
Now, before all of you whip out your cell phones or start punching in a  supportive email, just know that this next bit is just venting on my part. I have a hard time looking in the mirror, the reflection I see, is not me. It truly must be an alien, I don't recognize the face and definitely not the body. Who took my fit, trim somewhat attractive body and left this lumpy, bumpy, albeit skinny shell of skin, bruises and baldness in my house? Yes, yes, I know, I will get back there someday, but right now good grief!!! This is where the relative normality kicks in and I could kick myself in the butt because I  AM alive and I am able to fight this with some strength, some dignity and a whole lot of friends, family and supporters out there. It could be worse, and I know that, but I gotta do a little bit of pity party every now and then!
I

Energy Zappers
 I am amazed at the small things, the movements the simple chores that will zap your strength so quickly. Vacumning, making a bed, FORGET mopping! We have a small house, I can't imagine trying to vacumn anything larger than this. It would be daunting!
Tim's sister visited over the weekend and is one of the most wonderful, spiritual women I know. She left me several gifts, besides the best being herself and her visit, incuding bible verses to give me thought and comfort. Thank you Frances! I've had many visitors lately and each one brings a special piece to my current puzzle. My sister and her family have been by, my Godmother came by yesterday with a soft warm hug that was comforting. Hugs are good, folks, they tingle right down to your toes! I've always been a hugger.
Last night, my youngest son, Grant came by, laid on the bed next to me and held my hand while we talked. He is in the Marine Corps Reserve and just returned from his summer mountain training in Nevada. He and his company flew Southwest to Reno and back, so a very special thank you to the Dallas based flight attendants who took care of my son and his buddies on both flights. Apparently the guys  were all a little "ripe" on the second flight, so kudos to the flight attendants who handled the smell and gave the guys their best SWA service.

As you can see by the picture of Grant, my very tall Marine, he and I have the same haircut for awhile!
I've never been much of a wig person, more of scarf and hat kinda gal! My mom and I are going to the fabric store to pick out some colors for scarves and when I get back, I will rest, my promise to all of you worry warts!

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow!

I am so glad for good days, WOOHOO! This morning had blood work done and my counts are good, so I can eat all sorts of fresh fruits and veggies. When my counts drop I have to be careful because raw uncooked items can harbor bacteria that can bring my counts down even more. So I CAN EAT!
This afternoon was my hair day. Lynn picked me up and took me out to Park Salon, owned by Jerry and Pam Woolery who have been doing my hair for the last few years. We took a bottle of wine to celebrate my hair loss (sometimes you celebrate when you can and what you can). Kevin Cline, a friend of Jerry's was in the shop visiting and on the spur of the moment volunteered to do a "sympathy cut" along with me. How cool is that? So the pictures that follow are the process and the fun that Lynn, Pam, Jerry, Kevin and myself had this afternoon. All of them made this part of my journey not only bearable but to quote Mastercard, "Priceless".

Before                                                                       

  Kevin, What a good sport

Pam  & Jerry with Lynn snapping pictures

                                                                     Always wanted a punk rock haircut!

Finished products

Thanks Guys, you made my day!

A RED LETTER "NORMAL" DAY!
 I woke up this morning, not too many aches, not much tingling, my mouth seems a whole lot lessy fuzzy, maybe I can even taste my food today. Let's see, how many pounds can I add on in a 24 hour period? (I'm kidding!) But I feel good today, I've watered my garden and I'm sitting outside watching the wildlife so today is a gift from God and I thank him for it. I am blessed with where we live, the view  in the picture below is what I see from my bedroom window. There have been days in the last couple of weeks where I couldn't handle the bright light so I had to close the curtains to this view, but I knew it was there outside my window.

On a tougher note, my hair is getting really dry and brittle so it is time to say goodbye to it. With the first two cancers, I took control and had it cut off before it really got bad, and it does come out in big clumps and feels really,really weird. So, tomorrow my wonderful friend Lynn is taking me to my wonderful hairdresser, Jerry, to get  a flat top. I will include pictures. When the short peachy stuff comes out, Tim will lather me up with shaving cream at home and leave me slick as a cue ball. I found with the first two hair losses, that taking control of this issue gives  me a better piece of mind.  I already know what I look like bald and fortunately, my head is a decent shape. AND, for all you balding gentlemen out there, MINE will come back! A beautiful day to all of you, holler at you tomorrow.

Milestone
It may not be a big step but it gives me a marker to keep moving, I finished my first cycle of three chemo treatments today in Little Rock. I have 5 more cycles of three, but I'm getting there!
This last week was really difficult, I had shortness of breath, major acid reflux, heartburn, numbness and  tingling in my hands and feet, my new knees were throbbing so badly, they wouldn't hold me up very well. All of these side effects are bad but one of the worst is the fuzzy mouth, it is like having twenty cotton balls in your mouth while chewing on a piece of tin foil. It doesn't matter what you try to eat, the food or liquid goes in, slams on the brakes and says"Nope, not going any further", so eating has been somewhat tricky and I've lost 6 lbs. this week. One of the other side effects is the belching with the hearburn. When you burp all day long, your chest begins to hurt and it exhausts you. I think I now have some medicine to help with that, we'll see at 2:30 tomorrow morning, when I trying to stifle the urps, so that I don't wake up Tim, although he IS a pretty sound sleeper.
Lastly and I truly understand if the gentlemen reading this blog would rather not hear the next part, jump down to the last paragraph and catch up there. But for the women, when you are in the throes of chemotherapy, one of the toughest side effects is constipation. You have to take stool softeners daily, if you fudge just once, YOU WILL PAY FOR IT! So you sit on the porcelain deity hoping for something and then your body starts a little tightening, a little slide, and low and behold you give birth to a bouncing baby 1 ounce poop. AND that is exactly how it feels, just like labor pains (Believe me ladies, I was proud!) Unfortunately, you tend to also give birth to a 10 ounce hemerrhoid, but hey, its a trade off, because you definately want things moving inside your body, the consequences are too great.
So on the whole I had a good day, I actually ate a hamburger and I finished it, I sang to the Sirius Satellite 50's station all the way home (2 hours, poor Tim) and I have a lopsided smile on this normal but skinny face. God is good and I made it through another day. WOOHOO!

Onward!
The doctor called yesterday and said my blood counts were good, so damn the torpedoes,(and this dragging ass of mine) full speed ahead, we are headed to Little Rock for the 3rd toxic cocktail and my first milestone in this nasty process!
Although, somewhat queasy this morning, I actually feel a little more energy. I do need to visit with the nurses and the doctor today about managing the side effects better. This is not my first rodeo or unfortunately, my second so I've become an amateur "expert" as these stupid side effects. If I could just get a couple of them under control, I think my quality of life would be better. What with constant belching, heartburn, muscle aches and pains, tingling in the extremities, and the feeling that someone is sitting on me, the queasiness and the ever present fuzzy tongue feeling  which does not lend itself to healthy eating! Right now I'd settle for the belching and the heartburn relief.
This round of chemo will be through the abdomen, but hopefully not as bad as the Cisplatin was last week. Keep your fingers crossed, we are off to see the wizard!

Summer Solstice
Today is the first day of summer but here in NE Texas/SW Arkansas it has been over 95 for 2 weeks. Today will hit 100 with not a lot of relief in sight. No, I didn't drop off the face of the earth, just feel like it. I don't think there is a square inch on my body that doesn't burn or hurt. Tomorrow is the last of the first cycle, woohoo, a milestone.
If there is a big enough rock out there for this wasted 6 ft. body to crawl under, I would sure like to find it.
With the first two cancers, I had a rest between surgeries and chemo, but not with this one. I don't think my body has had a chance to bounce back and it is pretty worn down right now. Could use artic blast and a new mouth, this one is really cottony. I'll bounce back folks, just give me a little bit.

If ever I wished for normal, it would be right now!!
OK no sugar coating today. I feel like I've been whooped up on by Larry the Cable Guy's 1000 pygmies. Nothing is moving the way its supposed to, inside or out. This is not my body, surely aliens came down, snatched the real one and left this pitiful one in its place!
Tomorrow has to be better.

Two Birthdays Today!
Today is my wonderful husband Tim's birthday, he is 58 years young. Today is also the birthday of Southwest Airlines celebrating 39 years. I will do my best to be upbeat today for both my husband and my company. Tim, I love you! Southwest, fly safe!

YUCKY!
Nasty stuff moved in last night, headaches, stomach cramps, muscle aches and the ever present fuzzy dog slept on tongue. I'll keep my butt on my bed today and watch the birds, squirrels and nature in general outside my picture window..

Someone told me today that I was the only person who looked happy to be getting chemotherapy, did I always smile? Well, yeah! At least I try to smile, it supposedly takes less muscles than frowning. I'm all for less (sometimes).
Today was the first of the intra-peritoneal injections. They ran 2 liters of saline through the IV port along with various anti-nausea medicines and the everyday steroid, and then they ran 2 liters of fluid including the cisplatin straight into my abdomen. I now look like I am 6-7 months pregnant! It will only last for 2-3 days much better than a full nine months. When you have that much fluid sloshing around inside of you, at some point it needs to come out. During this clinical trial, I have to measure my urine output after the infusions. You should have seen this six-footer tap dancing down the hall with my IV pole and my plastic hat to measure the output. The last 20 feet to the restroom, I did with my legs crossed! Barely and I mean barely made it!  Got some applause from  other patients when I came out. The picture to the right is me watching the final 200 ml go through the tubing so that I could make my mad dash down the hall.
Tim was unable to go with me today he had something crop up at work that was unavoidable, so my Mom stepped in and drove me there and back. What a trooper, I think she is worn out for a couple of days. She said she wouldn't be driving anywhere for a little while. It is not easy to drive 2 hours, sit 4-5 hours in a not so comfortable chair and then jump in the car and drive 2 hours facing west into the sun to go home.
Right now I am home and feeling OK, other than my bloated stomach and occasional dribbles. What can I say, I've had three children in my lifetime and 4 liters of fluid today THERE will be dribbles! Heavy stuff will probably kick in tomorrow, hoping for better planning for the worst, but having been through this 2 other times I've become a pro at knowing my body's defenses and warning signs when blood counts drop and vomit is on the rise.
I'll let you know if I have a NORMAL couple of days. God Bless everyone!

I'm home.  Yesterday was as close to a nightmare as I could get with my eyes open. We got to the hospital at 7:30AM for an 8:00 appointment to have the two ports put in. One at my right shoulder and one below my bottom right rib. When we got there they only had orders for one port, SO we waited 1 1/2 hours while they figured out what was going on. They finally decided after a long conversation with Dr.Stone that I was indeed getting two ports. The first one was installed without a hitch (note the picture), but the second one was delayed two hours because apparently there was not enough fluid in my abdomen to insert the guide wire. Really? I was NPO after midnight (no food, no drinks) who figured that one out? AFTER two hours of waiting, they decided to do the second procedure with a CT Scanner. This was my 3rd CT in 3 weeks, no fear of excessive radiation problems, right? By the time the second procedure was over and Tim raced my wheelchair to the cancer clinic area, (do you know how bumpy hospital floors are?) we were too late to do the chemo. It was going to take 3-4 hours and it was already 3:30PM, NOW everything changed, we still had to spend the night at the hotel, be at the clinic for chemo at 7:30 the next morning and  then do the second one on WEDNESDAY. Jeez! My patience was wearing thin (my three children gifted me with a lot of patience, thank you very much, Tiffany, Sean and Grant!) and Tim was giving me that calm down look that I have learned to recognize over the last 25 years. We left the hospital and headed to the hotel and apparently the two batches of anesthesia for the surgeries did not sit well, I started throwing up in Tim's truck (I had a barf bag, woohoo) and continued until 10:00 last night. Now remember I was NPO after midnight, there was not much in there to heave. I told all of you I would give you the good and the bad and the ugly, well, my hysterectomy incision is still healing and now I have two mediport implants that are healing, and when I sneeze, or cough or HEAVE, I have to hold everything in, well do the math, I only have two arms with hands attached and it is difficult to hold everything AND kegel so that I don't tinkle on myself, SO guess what gave? We'll leave it at that, let your imaginations run wild at my expense, hey I'm game.  I'm thinking Tim needs to have a porcelain deity installed in his Dodge truck! It has all the other whistles and bells, let's add one more. If I wasn't heaving ,last night, I was zonked out, it was an out of body experience that I would like never to repeat.

Today went off without a hitch, a little over three hours of infusion with the first drug Paclitaxel. Everyone at the hospital has been very kind even though their right hand doesn't always know what  the left hand is doing.  We made it home safely and we even stopped for lunch, even though right now I am fighting to keep it down. You know that feeling when your throat gets tight, your mouth feels like your dog has slept on your tongue and you get that thin bead of sweat across your brow? Yup, that is where I am right NOW. One booger infusion down and 17 yucky suckers to go as well as 16 additional infusions of Avastin, the wonder drug we are trying out.

Many people have a "happy place" they go to when they are stressed or under physical pressure, my place is the North Shore of Point Reyes National Seashore just north of San Francisco. I grew up in the Napa Valley about 1 1/2 hours away from this beach which was a salvation and soothing place for me. It is not a good swimming beach, usually not too many people, there are tough undertows and an occasional white shark headed to their breeding grounds. But, it is a beautiful, wonderful beach for contemplation, walking your dog or just sitting and watching and listening to the waves. My kind of beach, give me some Celtic music and I'm good. The last time I was on the North Shore was in 2004 after I finished my second bout of cancer and my hair was about an inch long. I had a trade show in San Francisco and had a couple extra days, my good friend, Robin from high school was with me and snapped the picture below, can you tell I felt at home? "Happy places" don't work for everyone, but this one does it for me, so when I am at my worst, in my mind this is where I will be until the funky crap subsides and NORMAL makes a n appearance.